Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
