How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
