And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize