Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
