why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
