His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
