I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
