'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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