You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
