First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
