Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
