READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
