Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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