that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
