There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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