So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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