You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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