found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
