I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
