1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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