I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
