You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
