just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
