I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
