my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Alive.
So much puke
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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