You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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