I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Blood and glitter go together right?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
