Where is the hickey?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
