Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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