Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
