i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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