im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
