i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
