does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
