I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm too high and old for this...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize