I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
