It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
