just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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