If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
