I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Come on in and take your pants off
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