@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize