Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
