ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
