You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
