It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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