dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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