my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
