We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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