God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
