this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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