i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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