dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize