my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
