her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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