i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
