First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
