can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
