alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
