just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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