that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
