i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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