Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
