You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
