During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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