Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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