I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize