I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you will always have a special place in my vag
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
