Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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