Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
