That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
