my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
