you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
