YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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