i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
