Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We are all done wearing pants today
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
