Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
