There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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