Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
